One Last Attempt and Failure

In an effort to find a better tone, creative ideas, or just something that Jax would pay for, I watched Gulliver’s Travels. Bad idea. Ted Danson was all right in Cheers, acceptable in Becker, and horrendous in Gulliver’s Travels. We can’t give Ted all the credit; someone had the foresight to not give him a tremendous amount of lines in the first twenty minutes. By the way, I did not make it past the twenty-minute mark. If you feel the need to watch it – don’t. Danson doesn’t have an accent, the Lilliputians are basically leprechauns, and the courtship of Gulliver’s wife by another man is over dramaticized.

To top it all off, the movie was done with a variety of accents, tones, and language styles. In other words, absolutely no help for my language problem. The director/writer took very little care in studying the language of Swift.

I have finally given up. I guess it’s back to waiting tables and writing short stories.

bah

It sounds as though I will be broke for a while. Think I get get a job stocking shelves, or will I be subjected to flipping burgers?

This is how it went...

“Bruce, it’s Jax.”

“Hi. Did you get it? It’s been a few hours since I hit send, but I thought you’d need more time.”

“Not for this. I hate it. Add the vampire. Otherwise I won’t do it.”

“How am I supposed to add a vampire? You want her to just start sucking on the Lilliputians? It seems to me that Gulliver wouldn’t be her friend anymore.”

“Hell, make him a vampire, I don’t care. Just make it better. You won’t get any money out of me until you do.”

Guess Gwen will find herself eating hundreds of Lilliputians. Or maybe she will turn Gulliver? I suppose you'll have to wait and see.

Peace. For now.

Vampire/Vampyre

Wow, so I decided to look into vampire...just in case. Of course, I've seen a copy of The Vampyre (1819), so that's where I developed the name for my title, but the confusion seems to be growing by the search. If I were going to turn Gwen into a vampire, she would technically be a vamp, but that term wasn't invented until the Twentieth Century, so I have to rethink the whole thing. Anyway, my hangover understanding of the etymology is that vampire is originally a Slavic word. However, it doesn't look like the word appeared in the English language until mid-1700s. I suppose that it is possible vampires would have been heard of at the time, at least in whispers.

I know, I'm considering giving into the idea of Gwen being a vampire more and more as the project moves forward. I've completed several pages (not enough to formulate an entire chapter). So, I need a catch that Jax will sell (and leave me alone until I'm actually finished). Mostly because I need money. And quickly. Marlboro's and whiskey are expensive.

The more I research this stuff, the more I want to talk about it. Not only am I reminded of being in college again, but I might just be forming the know-it-all mentality of a college sophomore with all the research that I'm trying to complete in such a short amount of time.

For those of you who appreciate citations:

"vampire" Oxford Dictionary of Word Origins. by Julia Cresswell. Oxford Reference Online. Oxford University Press. Creighton University. 19 April 2010

"vampire" A Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. Edited by Elizabeth Knowles. Oxford University Press, 2006. Oxford Reference Online. Oxford University Press. Creighton University. 19 April 2010 bview=Main&entry=t214.e7442>

I also referenced the OED vampire entry, which we've already discussed.

Time to Learn

In my attempt to learn more about the language of Swift, I completed more research on him and his thoughts on language. In A History of the English Language Fifth Edition, Baugh & Cable tell us that during the Seventeenth and Eighteenth Centuries there was a “need for standardization” and that Swift was a large part of the movement (257). Swift was considered conservative in that he did not support change or originality in language (258). In other words, Swift wanted to maintain the language with little to no evolution. This is problematic for me as I am having difficulty finding the order in which Swift would have written. That is, how do I write as Swift would write?

I cannot merely mimic Swift’s storyline. I have to find a way to bring Swift’s tone and balance into my writing. This is difficult for me as I do not think as Swift did – I whole heartedly believe in change and the fluidity of language.

Shit.

My Editor and Her Friends

Will my editor ever learn to leave me alone?

“Bruce, it’s Jax.” See? Predictable. “How’s the working coming along? You and Swift get it on yet?”

“Not quite. But it’s getting there.”

“You’ve got two weeks.”

“Hey, we said a month, remember?”

“You said a month. If you want me to approve this thing, you need to get me something now. I think somebody caught wind of your idea.”

“Caught wind?” Seriously, wench? I mean, I’ve been working on this maybe two weeks. Okay, longer than that, but I need more time. Why doesn’t she get that. I’m back to smoking. Since Sarah left I’ve been a little frustrated. Yes. I go through women faster than a fat guy chasing a twinkie. It helps that I started sleeping with Sarah before Kris left. That may have had a little something to do with her taking the toothbrush I bought her and walking out the door screaming.

“Yeah, you know, heard about it. Anyway, they don’t really like the idea. The ivory tower wants to see something. They like my vampire spin, though. Have you thought about adding that?” She is probably smoking now. I think I can hear the hissing from her puffing. When she blows out the smoke it’s like she’s blowing it through her teeth.

“Why don’t you blow on something better for you than a cigarette? No, really, I think you should get some and leave me alone. I’ll email you something when I’ve got it.” Then…I just hung up on her. Amazing, isn’t it? I know she’ll call back in exactly five minutes. Are all women this predictable? No, not this predictable, but pretty damn close.

Then it hits me. Shit. I need cash. Between the food, the booze, and the new habit of Marlboro Lights, I’ve got to have something to keep me going. Daddy doesn’t fund my toilings.

Blrrrriiiiinng. My rotary dial phone. Four minutes. Thirty-eight seconds. She’s pissed.

“Hi Jax.”

“Bruce, it’s Jax.” Did I not tell you?

“Yes, I know. I’ll get you something if I get an advance within a week of the day I send it.”

“Fine. If I decide I like it. Oh, and that only counts if you email it. No snail mail for you.” Silence. She hung up on me this time.

Looks like I’ve got some all-nighters to do. It’s like I’m back in college. I don’t remember signing up for that. Or did I?

Why Swift?

Dear Suze: I'm already reading that book. A college professor of mine from years ago recommended it. By recommended, I mean it was suggested reading for a class. I didn't read much of it then, but luckily I kept it for situations just such as this.

I suppose I chose Swift because he was such a proponent of standardizing the English Language (Baugh 267). Then again, maybe I chose it simply because it’s a fun story. If you and I were speaking, I’d be shrugging at you right now.

Best,

B

I Might Be On To Something...

I had to do more research than I thought. I knew this would be work, but I don’t think you really prepared me for this.

You = the people of the world.

You should take a quick gander at what I’ve created so far. It’s smashing. Or delicious. Possibly just a miracle that I’m beyond page one, really. Page two will be similar to a virgin birth.